Unworthy
by FrozenandYetNot
Summary: How I wish the Chair scene in Chuck's new hotel site had gone in 4.21. The white porcelain skin that he worshiped for so  long was now marred by a dainty cut- a physical evidence of how broken he was and how unconditional her love was. One-shot


A/N: This is how I wished the Chair meeting at Chuck's hotel had gone through. I can't believe the writers didn't address the issue of abuse that they showed in 4.20. It was something that really needed to be addressed and not swept under the rug. I read the interview by Safran where he said Blair was afraid for him and not for herself. Well they needed to show that in 4.21 as well –So I am making this one-shot trying to rectify it.

R&R

…

Love was a word that usually terrified Chuck Bass. As a boy he hadn't had anyone to explain what love was, no one to make him feel it or even be worthy of it. But contrary to usual belief Chuck Bass knew a distinct form of love- the crudest and yet the most complex form of love- The hatred inspired by love. Every time he felt the lack of affection from his father, the one which left him feeling worthless and angst, he saw the depth of love that his father must have felt for Evelyn Bass. The love whose loss made his father an empty, broken shell incapable of emotions or happiness...

So it would be wrong to know that Chuck Bass never understood love. He saw what his friends in their youthful innocence couldn't see- what Blair Waldorf with her elaborately constructed fairytale life couldn't see- Love was not about happiness. It was about pain. A pain which ripped one into a vulnerable fool exposed to all sorts of torture. And that is why he ran away from the petite beautiful girl who made bids on his heart time and again. With her he was vulnerable- with her he was exposed with nothing to protect him. And one day reality would slam on his face and he would be a broken shell too.

But Blair Waldorf was persistent and so were the cursed butterflies. No matter how many times he tried to murder them, no matter how many times he tried to run away they caught up with him. She caught up with him. Her eyes reassured her that it was okay- that he would be safe. That no matter how many times he broke her she could always piece through the shattered remains and ensure that they didn't break- That he didn't break. And she lived every minute of the promise.

But he hadn't! He had proven his father right and in his goal of achieving all hurt the only thing he ever loved. And yet again she had glued them back together with her eternal devotion and love. But even she couldn't cover the cracks, the little broken pieces which often cut through their hearts. And now those cracks was for the world to see- as he had now broken the last shard of glass leaving a dainty cut on a skin that he usually worshipped.

He had broken her before- Now there was physical evidence of it.

He couldn't take his eyes off her, when she walked in the make-shift door of his hotel site. He couldn't believe that it was real; he couldn't believe she could come to him.

"Chuck..." she said as she walked up to him

Now that he knew she was real, he couldn't look at her. Not bear to stare at her perfectly made up face when he knew that beyond the make-up was a little mark that he made. Instead he stared at her hands- the huge yellow diamond cutting through his heart.

"Chuck, I don't have much time. I have to go back to Louis quickly but..."

He looked up at that. He couldn't believe how much it hurt to hear her say his name.

"What are you doing here, then?"

She closed her eyes

"I saw Jack and I just wanted to make sure you know and you can be prepared for whatever he is planning" she said slowly, her doe eyes intense and worried

He smirked mocking himself. Could she really be that forgiving? That even after what he did she could care. But then he knew that she would always care, that he would always care. They would always love each other, no matter what he did or who she married. They were Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. Yet he wanted to be so much more.

"I wish I could be prepared for whatever you are planning" he began

"Chuck, please" she cut him across "I just came to warn you. I am very much engaged to Louis"

"Blair, please..." he said stepping closer to her. In a moment she backed up, her hand involuntarily moving to her scar. He flinched as he saw her fear. It lasted a mere second before she smoothed her expression but it felt like an eternity.

_She was scared of him. She was scared of him__... Oh God- what had he done?_

Ever since that moment when she ran away, he had been dying inside. He never had the guts to pick up the phone to call her. He couldn't face her, not after what he did. But he was so selfishly thinking about himself that he didn't even realize what she might be going through.

"Blair..." he began gently "Did you see a doctor- for- for that?"

Her eyes were wide when he said that. "I-I –It was a small cut. I didn't need to…"

"Hiding it with make-up isn't good. It might get infected" he said. Her eyes darted to his face and then down again. And he knew…

"You don't have to protect me" he said, his heart breaking into pieces

All of sudden he remembered some random article he had read on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

_Most domestic abuse __isn't reported as the victims want to protect the abuser for mistaken ties of affection._

Abuse... He had abused her. He had a violent urge to be sick.

Her eyes were swimming with tears "I ...don't...want...anyone to know" she said softly

Of course she didn't. She didn't want their friends to hate him for what he did and he didn't want them to know she had taken his actions. Like always she didn't want to come off as weak- a weak woman who takes abuse from her boyfriend was trash in her opinion. But she couldn't take any action because she couldn't hurt him, no matter how much he hurt her.

"Blair...you aren't weak. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are just... just..." he trailed off

There was a silence before she spoke

"I am just what?"

"You are just too forgiving..." he said slowly staring at his bandaged hand. She gave a watery scoff and he continued "...when it comes to me"

She didn't say anything.

"I just want you to know that I have been through hell since that day..." he said, retreating to himself "I kept on wondering how broken I am feeling and I didn't realize how you must be feeling"

He grasped her hand, fingering her engagement ring. This time she didn't pull away. "You have always loved me and me...I hurt you. It was just the fear of knowing that I was losing the only I ever loved...will love..." he swallowed hard "It doesn't excuse my behavior though."

She felt his hand on his cheek and looked up. Her face was a blur and he realized he was crying. He felt her wipe his tears.

"I am sorry, Blair" he said remembering her terrified face as she ran away. It was something he would have nightmares about for years. "Please... don't be scared" he whispered.

"But I am..." she said softly

He looked up frantically "You have to believe me. I would never hurt you" Hollow words since he already had. He waited for her to say that but she didn't. Instead she looked deeply into eyes.

"I know that." She said "I am scared for you, Chuck"

He was astonished. She nodded "I need you to be okay"

He knew what she was asking- a reassurance that he wouldn't jump of the next building when she was engaged, that he wouldn't start self-destructing the moment she left for Monaco. He knew that if he would, she would never leave. He knew this was one way he could get her back-arguing that she loved him still and that this engagement was a façade. But he couldn't – He knew that she loved him, that she would always love him just like he would. But it wasn't enough. Because she couldn't trust he and he couldn't trust himself.

"I will be okay" he promised her.

She smiled, tears trailing down her cheeks "Thank you, Chuck"

She stepped away from him, wiping her tears. He grasped her hand.

"And I'll be waiting" he fervently promised her. She shook her head.

He persisted relentlessly

"I'll be waiting for as long as it takes- for you to forgive me and for me to be worthy of you"

"Chuck..." she began

He shook his head. "You should go"

She nodded, staring at him as though memorizing his face. Then with a choked sob she was gone, leaving him a whiff of her perfume.

He let her go, even though his heart shattered.

_For in the face of true love you never give up, not even when the object of your affections is begging you to._

Sometimes you don't give up but you let her go. For you know that no matter how many weddings or engagements happen she belongs to you just like you belong to her.

You are Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.


End file.
